


Sora Needs Therapy

by Anonymous



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 08:16:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13050096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sora has a problem that is disrupting his, and his friend’s lives. Addiction is a very serious issue that will be addressed in this very serious work of fiction.





	Sora Needs Therapy

               "Sora, I think you have a problem."

               Riku stood with his arms crossed in the doorway, staring down his long-time friend.

               "What do you mean?" Sora was laying in bed with a genuinely confused look on his face.

               Riku shook his head. He would do anything for his best friend, but as much as he cared, Sora never was the sharpest knife in the cabinet. "I mean that you said you would pick me up from sparring lessons three hours ago, which is why I didn't bother getting a bus ticket, and yet here you are! I walked all the five miles back here in the hot sun, with my gear and everything!"

               Sora looked down at his bed. Under the covers were three naked women, who Riku recognized as girls named Yuna, Rikku and Paine. They were a group of 'besties' from their old highschool who liked to call themselves the Gullwings. They did not stir from the commotion.

               "Weellll," Sora began. "While you were busy I thought I would visit the pier and watch the water for a while. And then these three were just out on the beach."

               Riku waited a moment for more of the story. "… Is that it?"

               "That's it."

               Riku summoned up every ounce of patience he had left in him. "Need I remind you that this isn't the first time you've done this? Roxas told me about how you ditched him on the beach the other day."  
               "Selphie needed help with her sunscreen," Sora said, avoiding looking at Riku and scratching the back of his head.

               "And does that involve plowing her in the outdoor shower? And then getting caught by her parents?"

               "No, but-"

               "And I also heard about how you left Tidus alone on a hiking trip."

               "He was fiiiine," Sora waved it off.

               "He got bit by a snake!" Sora decided now was a great time to get up out of bed, at which point any ounce of shame he might have had disappeared. Riku recoiled. "Ugh, put that away!" 

               "Riku, I hear what you're saying loud and clear," Sora said as he walked uncomfortably close to him toward the dresser. Riku furrowed his brow. "And I think we should definitely have a talk about it."

               "You need more than just a talk. I'm making an appointment for you, and I really think it's gon- who puts a shirt on first!? Seriously?"

               Sora then walked away from the dresser, bare ass hanging out from below his baggy red shirt. Riku's face scrunched up. He was trying to look away at the three girls, who were still asleep, somehow, but it was like a dead squirrel in the road. So awful, and yet he is unable to focus on anything else.

               "Right, appointment, yeah," Sora said, not really listening. "Lemme just do my stretches."

               Sora put a foot up on a high stool and dipped down, doing a near split and putting where the sun don't shine on uncomfortable display. "Aahhh, that's the ticket." Riku made a wretching noise and put a hand over his mouth.

               "AAH!" They both heard a scream from outside, and Sora got a good look, as he was right near the window. "Hi, neighbor!" He waved.

               He switched legs and sighed. "What a nice old lady. So, we doing anything else tonight?"

               "Whatever makes you put pants on fastest!" Riku left and shut the door behind him, relieved that he could look at anything else. Seeing as how he could not stand to be in the same room as Sora at the moment, he figured he would just get on with what he had to do and text him the address and time later.

               He pulled out the business card he had lucked into earlier, and his cell. 'This is for your own good,' he thought.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-One week later-  
               Kairi sat in her kitchen, in a well-pressed suit with a cup of coffee in her hand. Such was part of her morning routine, getting ready to start her day. Today was important too, as she would be meeting a new client. A plate of food was placed in front of her, straight off the stove; even the bacon was still sizzling a bit. Her mouth watered. "What would I do without you, Namine?"

               The younger, blonde roommate gave a sweet smile. "I'm sure you'd be fine. But that won't stop me from making sure you don't eat junk all the time."

               Kairi's living arrangement was extremely convenient, seeing as how her workplace was just within walking distance. Namine worked as an intern in the same building, and the two became fast friends. Namine, being a poor college student, figured it would be much cheaper to live just off of campus and share rent with her new, reasonably well-off friend. Kairi had just earned her therapy license only a few months ago, and was still excited to be getting clients.

               The two finished up breakfast and Kairi got up to leave, while Namine intended to enjoy her day off with a nice book.

               "It's a fresh start and I'm feeling good about this one. Wish me luck!" 

               "Good luck!" Namine smiled and gave a small wave. 

               Kairi was out the door and into her office in no time. Opening the front door, even the very air within was clean and pressed. It had a cozy, but professional feel that she worked to maintain, with great pride. To her left was her desk, with all of the necessary documents and tools neatly tucked away. To her right, a large armchair sat in front of a full, black couch for a patient to lay or sit in. Not too long after taking her seat at the desk to organize further, she heard a knock on the door.

               "Come in!" She called, and a spiky haired young man walked into the office. Kairi's face fell ever so slightly. The island they all live on is quite small, enough so that everybody knows, or has at least heard of, everybody else. This one was no exception. Even back in high school, he had become infamous, for obvious reasons. It had not occurred to her that she might have to be the one to cure him.

               "Hello!" He said with goofy enthusiasm. "My friend told me I'd get to meet a nice girl if I went to this address... and he was right."

               "Hi Sora," she replied, struggling to stay professional. "I'd like you to have a seat on the couch, feel free to get comfortable."

               "How comfortable?"

               "Your-clothes-still-on comfortable."

               "Oh." To Kairi's surprise, Sora complied and waited on the couch.

               "Now," Kairi sank into the opposite chair. "I'd like to ask you some questions. They're going to be very forward and to the point, so if you're not comfortable, you don't have to answer."

               "Okie dokie."

               "What is your... romantic life, like? Could you describe a typical relationship for me?"

               "Like any other, I guess." He scratched his head. "We meet up at some place, and then we hump."

               "Excuse me?"

               "Make the beast with two backs, the horizontal monster mash." Sora made some obscene, yet impressively creative hip gestures that made Kairi's face scrunch up in discomfort.

               "I get it. Please sit back down," she said. "Sora, how many of these relationships have you had?"

               "I'm glad you asked!" Sora popped right back up out of his seat, annoying Kairi. That annoyance quickly turned to confusion when Sora pulled a small charm out of his pocket.

               "Summon, Stitch!" he cried. “Ah!” Kairi screamed as a bright light flashed, and a blue, bug-like creature popped into existence. It wore tiny beach clothes, decorated with gaudy flowers. It sniffed about and moved erratically, rambling in what may or may not have been some foreign language. It looked up to see the one who had summoned him. “Sora!” It exclaimed with it’s funny voice.

“Stitch, it’s time. Pull out the ukulele, let’s do this just like we practiced.” 

“Haba!” It saluted, and as asked, got his tiny guitar out and somehow managed to make a melody sound on it, even with it’s stubby, clawed hands. Kairi had no idea what to say. “Wha-”

“OOOHHHHH!” Sora tried, and failed, to hold his note while Stitch vigorously strummed the same chord. And then it truly began, to the tune of a song from a cartoon that Kairi was quite sure she had heard as a child.

“Tifa and Olette and Aqua and Selphie, Larxene, Cinderella, and Fuu~,”  
“Aerith and Yuffie and Xion and Shiki, Jasmine, Belle, and you too!”

“Alright!” She grabbed the ukulele, halting the music. “That’s enough!” Calmly as she could manage, she put the instrument aside, out of both of their reaches. 

“But there’s eight verses left!” Sora cried.

“SIT!”

Sora sat back down with a sigh. Kairi heard Stitch mumble some more incomprehensible words, and had a feeling that whatever he was saying was less than polite. He ran quick as a flash to retrieve his ukulele, waved goodbye to Sora, and disappeared in the same flash of light.

Kairi rubbed her temples, easing the stress. The session barely started, and she was already developing a headache. “Look,” she said forcefully. “No more games. Let’s please get to the main reason why you are here.”

“Hey, after we’re done, you wanna go do something together?”

“What?”

“You know, go out to some place and have fun.”

Kairi stared dumbfounded at the man. He had that same silly grin on his face, recovering quickly from the disappointment of not getting to finish his song. If she were anybody else, she would wonder if he was confident, or just incredibly stupid. “That’s not appropriate to be doing those things with your doctor.”

“But,” Sora waggled his eyebrow. “If we did hang out together, you might get to know me all the better, and then be able to treat me better.” 

Kairi sighed. At least he was talking. Maybe she could get some insight into him if she just humored his train of thought for a while.   
“What do you have in mind exactly?”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Namine sat back at home, making the most of her lazy day off. She had just recently left a shower, set to her perfect temperature (just below scalding), and sat down on the couch to read a book. Or at least, that is what she would tell people, when instead she spent a lot of that time drawing filthy images involving characters, of said book.

Images that Kairi would never know about.

Her shameful hobby aside, Namine took a break to enjoy a cup of tea, facing the large window. They had a wonderful view of the island, and the ocean off to the side. The sun was not as bright and shiny as it often is on her new, beautiful home, but she did not mind so much. There was no glare to bother her eyes, the temperature not so high as to damage her skin. Not any more than her showers, anyway.

Maybe she would finally break out of her shell and explore for once today? She stared thoughtfully toward her and her roommate’s place of work just across the street, considering her options. As Namine kept staring though, she thought she saw something… off, in Kairi’s office. She always thought it was neat that she could occasionally see Kairi in action, sitting up in her seat and exercising the patience of a saint. 

Now, she was leaning forward by the couch, leaving Namine extremely confused, but intrigued. She should have a patient in there by now. What could she be doing?

She kept looking when realization dawned on her, her face slowly falling, eyes widening, jaw dropping. Kairi was on her knees, head bobbing up and down over the large couch Namine knew she had. It couldn’t be… but what else? 

No, it is definitely what she thinks it is.

She could not look anymore. Namine got up from her seat, unable to believe what was happening. Should she do something? She should, right? No matter what, those acts could not continue. She would only be looking out for her friend. She had to suck it up (no pun intended) and have a talk with her about this when she got home.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kairi walked in through her door rather stiffly, less relaxed than usual and feeling the need to sneak into her own home. It made no sense, surely what happened could not be known by anyone else. She finished her work day dutifully, but guilt had long since been gnawing at her. 

“Hello, Kairi.” She squeaked as Namine surprised her, coming from behind the bedroom door suddenly. Her tone was uncharacteristically stern, but maybe she was just imagining that? Nobody needed to know.

“Namine!” She exclaimed, much too enthused. She continued robotically. “How… are you!”

Namine had her hands on her hips, unimpressed. “I’m fine, actually. Nice, slow day. How was your day? Was it really long and hard?”

Kairi’s brow twitched. “Um, yes. Very stressful.”

“I’m sure.”

“Well I think I’m just going to take a bath, go to bed and… forget all about today.” She grabbed the handle of the bathroom door, desperate to leave the conversation.  
“Something did happen though, it was the weirdest thing.” Namine leaned toward Kairi and cut off her path. Kairi tried to keep her smile natural. “Y-yeah?”

“Yeah! You know how I can see your office window from here?”

Kairi froze. “Um...”

“You really should have closed your curtain.”

Kairi’s eyes darted back and forth. Only after the fact did she remember the curtains were still open, but there still no way someone could see! Then again, it was a bit cloudy, and her lights were on…

“U-uh… what do you mean?” Namine shot her the most no-nonsense, iciest glare Kairi had ever seen on her. The sweet, innocent (as far as she knew) girl’s blue eyes bore a hole through her. Kairi could not stand it and caved, putting her hands to her face and drooping her shoulders.

“I don’t know how it happened!” She yelled. 

“What do you mean you don’t know!?” 

“I mean one minute we were just talking, and it seemed so casual and like we were making progress!” Kairi’s eyes were bugged, as if she were trying to explain that she definitely saw a unicorn, or some other impossible thing, and did not fully believe it herself; like she knew her friend would think she has gone mad. 

“I’ll say,” Namine responded with a snarky tone.

“But his words… his innuendo… everything was so subtle. He’s like a wizard!” 

“Well try explaining that to some random passer-by. Somebody could blackmail you or something! You could be fired and plastered all over the papers!” Kairi knew all of this, as she had plenty of time to mull that over for the rest of the day. She also knew that she deserved this from her roommate. 

“Namine, I swear, that will never, ever happen again. I know it was wrong. So, so wrong.”

“Because I’m only looking out for you,” Namine said earnestly. 

“I know! I’m so lucky to have a friend like you for a roommate. Someone so… forgiving? And understanding?” Kairi dared to hope.

Namine wanted to continue scolding and hammering the gravity of this situation into her head, but what else could she do, really? She knew what Kairi was really asking. That is, if she would keep her secret.

“I will keep this between us,” she decided. “But that was incredibly stupid, and if it happens again...”

“It was once and only once! I swear it!” Namine stared her down a bit more and, unsure if there was anything left she could do, she waved her hand. “Then go get some sleep. This never happened, it stays here forever.”

“Thank you!” Kairi practically tackled Namine in a hug. “You’re the best!”

Namine sighed heavily. She could only hope this was the end of the story.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Continuing with the story, the next appointment with Sora came much quicker than Kairi would have liked. For the past few days, Namine had kept her promise in work, but there was still the anxiety of wondering if somebody could have seen from a nearby window.

Sora bursting into her office with a happy-go-lucky smile, as if nothing had occurred, did not help. But this whole mess still had to be dealt with, whether she liked it or not.

Sora sat down heavily on the couch, as if he owned the place. “Hiya Kairi!”

She groaned, rising reluctantly from her desk. “That’s Doctor, Sora.”

She sat opposite of him, back in her comfortable chair. Her legs are crossed, and tried to look as authoritative as possible. “Listen closely. This session is not going to be a repeat of the last one, understand? What happened was a mistake.”

“A sexy mistake.”

“No, a regular mistake!” She flushed, but adjusted herself as best she could. “I am partly to blame for it happening, and it was completely unprofessional.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m supposed to be helping you get over such needs. Besides, I’m sure you understand my boss would be incredibly upset if he found out. I could lose my job.”

“Yeah. Say, what’s your boss’s name?”

“He is a graying, experienced old man whom I respect very much, but that is not relevant. Now, we are going to have a normal session, doctor to patient, and we are going to make real progress with you, and turn your life around.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Is that clear?”

Meanwhile, Namine walked in the outside hall, a cup of coffee in one hand and a stack of paperwork in the other. She diligently planned to get these to another office while they were not busy, and had to walk past Kairi’s door on the way. Even focused on her task, which other coworkers affectionately called “bitch-work”, she heard a strange noise coming from her friend’s door. She almost missed it, as it was a bumping noise that had been in rhythm with her footsteps. Wasn’t she supposed to be with a client right now? Surely she couldn’t be moving or fixing something. There were voices, but it did not sound like talking. 

It sounded more like…

…

Namine dropped everything she had in her hands and flung the office door open, finding Sora sitting on the couch, as he should have been.

Except with Kairi bouncing in his lap.

“Who’s your boss man!?” Sora yelled, his hands roughly gripping her waist.

“You are! You’re my boss man!” Kairi yelled back, hands on his shoulders and flinging her hair wildly in circles. She did not notice the loud clicking of the opening door, but there was no way Sora could have missed it. He just didn’t seem to care.

“KAIRI!” Namine shouted.

“AH!” Kairi fell backward and hit her head on the floor, her pair of panties flying off of her ankle.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kairi and Namine sat in their apartment once again, side-by-side on their couch and deathly silent. Namine had thankfully remembered the count-to-ten rule, but found that a slow count to thirty did not do much for her. She would have a mature, productive conversation with her friend, whom she loved dearly and wanted the best for.

Right after she rolled up a magazine and smacked Kairi on the head.

-WAP- “Stupid!” -WAP- “Stupid!” -WAP- “Stupid!”

Kairi cowered running away while Namine followed, putting her arms up over her head. “I’M SORRY!” She screamed.

“What am I supposed to do with you!?” -WAP- “Somebody else could have caught you!”

“I KNOW! Stop hitting me!” They both stopped and breathed heavy. Kairi took the chance to say her piece. “Okay, I know this looks bad.”

“You think!?”

“Right, well… hear me out on this.” She held palms out toward Namine. “I think I might be making progress.”

Namine stared blankly for a moment, disbelieving. She then raised the magazine over her head.

“WAIT!” She covered her head again. Namine barely stopped. “I don’t mean with him, I mean… with myself. I may have a probl-”

“You DO.”

“Okay, I do have my own problem that has to be taken care of. But the good news is that we know that now... right?” Her eyes misted over and lower lip quivered.

As upset as she was, Namine realized she had never actually seen Kairi cry before. “You’re my friend, Kairi. I want to help you, I even look up to you. But what are you going to do in the next appointment!”

“I… I’m going to direct him to a new doctor.” Tears threatened to leak from her eyes. “I’m so sorry I let things get like this. I will be respectable and dignified, and one day, we will both laugh about all of this!”

Kairi’s vulnerability softened Namine up some, and she relaxed her grip on the magazine, letting it go. Still, her eyes narrowed. “Are you positive?”

“Yes! I’m a changed woman, and I’m ready for anything!” Namine had no idea what to do or say, frustrated at her lack of control. “Ugh!”

She went to go to bed, fuming and with nothing left to do other than hope Kairi was being truthful this time. 

Third time is the charm?  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The last few days stressed Namine out much more than they probably should have. She dreaded the next appointment between Kairi and Sora, and at the same time, could not wait for it to be over with. It was not in her control, or even her business, but no matter how much she tried to distract herself, worry for her friend ate at her. Her only solace was that Kairi had been staying true to her word about changing. She re-studied some of her old psychology work, and in general was much more active in both of their lives, like with helping out around the house. She even made breakfast for them both, making sure Namine got what she needed and just being more thoughtful and humble in general. She had a new positivity and confidence about her that Namine could not place in words. Kairi’s actions still drove her nuts, but she really wanted, and was willing, to believe that Kairi would keep her word.

Now Namine walked up to their workplace on the day of Kairi’s next, and hopefully last appointment with Sora. She was anxious, but hopeful all of this would be over with after today.

She did not know what to expect exactly, but it wasn’t seeing Sora walk out of the building on her way in. She recognized his face from the… incident, the other day. He saw her walk past, and waved with a bright smile on his face.

He caught her off guard, and she tried to speak. “Hel- uh, whady- I mean, where… hi.” She ended while he walked right past. That was meant to be a greeting and to be a question about what he was doing out here already, but he just kept going and seemed not to notice how inept she sounded. She resisted the urge to smack her palm to her head. Nice.

Upon entering the building, she looked at the clock inside for the time. 8:44 AM

Sora’s session started only fifteen minutes ago, and was supposed to last for an hour. Unless… Kairi actually did it? Took responsibility and directed him to a new therapist like she had been planning?

It was the only logical conclusion, and Namine beamed. She actually did it! Good for her.

She was so proud of her friend for taking control of the situation, she thought that she would surprise her with a cup of coffee brought to her office. She lovingly made a tall, skinny, sugar-free decaf soy vanilla latte, extra-hot with whip cream, double sleeved, no cup. Exactly how she liked it.

She made it to Kairi’s door, and knocked loudly. “Kairiiii~” Namine sang. “I know you’re free in there! I have a surprise for you, for handling all of this so well.” She let herself in.

Kairi lay face down on the floor, over her splintered and completely trashed desk. Her cloth pants and undergarments were around her ankles. Her butt, thighs and midriff were angrily red, and visible hand/finger prints were already beginning to bruise a little bit. 

The drooling expression on Kairi’s face told her that she did not mind any of this one bit.

“Oh...” Namine put her hands far out of in front of her, and then angrily swished them out to her sides. “MY GOD!!” 

“Excuse me?” A little voice said from behind Namine. A small, lost child stood there. He made to move past her. “Is this where Doctor Kairi is? This building is so confusi-”

“NO!” She tackled the kid to the ground before he could see anything. He landed hard, grunting in pain.

“Whyyy?” He whined.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Namine and Kairi sat side-by-side on the steps of their former workplace, with all of their possessions that they could fit in a box beside them. It did not turn out to be much, as Namine did not keep many of her things at work, and much of Kairi’s things were now broken anyway.

Namine was all the more humiliated, since she could still hear coworkers laughing raucously at their expense.

“Well, I hope you’re happy, Kairi.” She stared accusingly at her friend, though Namine had many other names in mind that she could call her at the moment. “Are you feeling good about yourself?”

“I feel very good,” Kairi said with a dopey smile. Her upper body still swayed dizzily. “Everything is fine.”

“Yes… fine,” Namine’s eye twitched. “Sure, you got fired from your job for diddling your patient. Sure, you will now definitely have a reputation all across the island and be completely unhirable, and SURE, I’m also not allowed back for assaulting a small child! But yes, everything is fine!”

She seethed, and wanted her frustration and anger to be felt, but Kairi was in her own world. “How can you even sit, anyway?” She just had to ask. “Aren’t you in pain after that?”

“Yes… please… hurts so good...”

Namine wondered if there were any nearby cliffs to jump off of.

**Author's Note:**

> Sora’s lovingly crafted jingle is to the tune of The Countries of the World song from Animaniacs. There are also two lines taken directly from other media. Did you spot the Futurama quote? The other is from a stand-up comedian, and if you can guess the line and comedian… you won’t win anything, but I’ll be very impressed.
> 
> This story was inspired from a fact I learned about a rock star who managed to sleep with his sex therapist multiple times. I don’t know the details behind the actual story, I’m sure it’s much more tame than this, but this is simply taking the idea and running with it.


End file.
